Being Real

I’ve been in India for over four months now. In that time, I have become comfortable in my home at Chacko Homes, have sort of figured out what my role is at the college, and have learned to love parts of the culture that infuriated me at the beginning. I’ve also finally made some real friends. It’s not that I didn’t have friends before; I did. But, for the first time since my arrival, I feel like I’m building real, lasting friendships – with people I met in the beginning and with new people I’m meeting all the time.

A part of me wonders why it’s taken so long. I’m outgoing and friendly, and I enjoy being around people. I’m kind and sincere, and I know how to have a good time. I’m realizing more, with every passing day, how important the relationships in my life are – both at home and in India. So why has it taken me over four months to make “real” friends?

I suppose one reason is that it requires some huge strides outside my comfort zone. I already took several big steps outside the safe space by packing up and moving to India for a year, and I think I might have even pulled a muscle in the process. So I suppose that, once here, I needed to fall back into that safe space for a time. Now, more than ever, I’m ready to stride out of it again. And I’m so glad I have been.

Little by little, I’m witnessing my acquaintances at the college become my friends, and I’m feeling those who I’ve thought of as friends for a while become closer. And, after four months of fear and anxiety, I’m finally being real with these people. I’m finally being the real, true, actual Char. It’s not that I’ve been purposefully pretending to be something or someone I am not for the past four months; it’s simply that I have never felt comfortable enough to let my full self show. But, as I come to understand more of the culture and grow closer to its people, I realize that I am cheating myself, as well as my new friends, by hiding any part of who I am. And so I’m not hiding inside my little shell anymore. I am, for the first time since stepping off the plane on that hot August day over four months ago, being me, being real.