Yesterday, I Felt Important

One of the greatest struggles I have had while serving in India is the feeling that I’m not actually doing much serving. And although my “work” here is more about relationships than accomplishments, I’ve struggled with feelings of unimportance and insignificance throughout the months I’ve been here.

There are moments, however, when evidence of the “service” I am doing and the difference I am making here becomes apparent. And these are the moments I live for. These are the moments when I know I am right where I’m supposed to be.

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to experience one of these moments. Yesterday, I felt useful, important, and significant. Yesterday I felt like I was making an impact, rather than just being made an impact on.

It started with a short trip to the dalit colony, where I was accosted by precious children wanting to touch me and their mothers wanting to invite me in for coffee. As I kindly refused that offer (because, honestly, it’s too darn hot for coffee), it occurred to me that I might be more important than I tend to realize.

With that in mind, I went on my way. I was heading toward Achen’s, when I was stopped by Silmunny, the warden of the West Hostel and my first real friend here in India. She was with one of her students, who shouted excitedly, “Charlotte! Silmunny Miss has been trying to see you so she can invite you to her wedding on Monday!” My eyes got wide, but my shoulders sagged. The good news was Silmunny’s upcoming marriage; the bad news was that I already had plans. But when I started to explain that I couldn’t come, Silmunny looked like she might burst into tears. “I’ll try my best,” I said, and I decided right then and there that my plans would just have to change. When Silmunny smiled, took hold of my hand, and simply said, “Thank you, Charlotte,” I was hit once again with the realization that I might be important.

And, again, I went on my way toward Achen’s. When I got there, he was fast asleep in his chair, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that I might not be as important as I was feeling only five minutes ago. But in no time at all, he was up out of his chair paying attention to me. He helped me with a few things, and then, as I was about to walk out the door, he said, “Do you have some time?” I did have some time, so I stayed and helped him with some things. In the end, Achen and I spent two hours together, helping each other with various projects. And when I finally did walk out his front door, I was still feeling that sense of importance.

Feeling that way, I went on home, where I was met, as always, by Philip. “You were out a long time,” he said, and he should know because he keeps mighty good tabs on me. “Yes,” I said, “but now I’m home.” “Ok,” he replied, “and are you coming in?” It was 7:00, and I decided that, no, I wasn’t going to come in right then, but I would be back in an hour to catch a showing of American Idol. “Would that be ok?” I asked. Of course it would.

And so I went back an hour later to take advantage of Philip and his TV. When the show was over, I thanked him for inviting me in and entertaining me. I was shocked when he responded to that by thanking me for sharing my time with him. And as I said goodnight and went back to my own room, it felt less like a thought and more like a fact that I am important, that my presence here matters, and that my service is significant.

Of course, I did not come here to be important. I did not come here for fame or glory. I did not come here to be a hero. But I did come here to serve, and when I have the sense that my presence in this country and in this community is making a difference in people’s lives, I know that I am performing that service.

The world certainly isn’t going to change because I spent a year in India. But it is possible that in some very small way, the lives of people like Philip, Silmunny, the children in the colony, and even Achen will be impacted. I know these people have impacted my life, and it’s nice to know that this particular service might just be mutual.

Yesterday, I felt important. Yesterday, I felt significant. Yesterday made a difference to me because I felt like I was making a difference to others.